Currently Reading Roommates Wanted: A Novel By Lisa Jewell see related

back in my mind.

yesterday i came home from work and took a nap. a badly, badly needed nap.

i slept as soundly as i ever have, not even moving until i woke up shortly thereafter...

i had a dream. i was in high school and it was just a normal day. normal things happened. i was so blissfully unaware that it wouldn't always be like that. that i would have to grow up, and sometimes that i would hate it.

....then i woke up. all of the new problems lept back into my mind. all the worries and choices and unsettledness was back.

i feel like my mind was trying to save me, for just a few minutes, from my current worries. taking me back to what i remembered as nice and fun and uncomplicated. it was very appreciated.

so! today i am sitting in my nice office at my terrifying, but fun job.  and it is the first day back after a loooooooooong winter break : ) 

yay to see the fam

yay for snow on christmas

yay that i felt so safe and happy

yay that i have a large group to come back here to that also makes me feel safe and happy

yay for stephanie and stephen proving that love is ok.

yay for the fact that i HAVE a job when some aren't as fortunate

yay for the fact that i already have things to look forward to in 2008

yay that jessica and i already thought of a slogan.

yay for my hamster not being blind, but being in a much better place.

all that being said....

is it ok if i ignore the red blinking voice mail light on my desk phone?  i am going to. it is pretty. red blinking lights in the spirit of christmas. that is what i am going to imagine it is. who is with me?!    (good thing no one at work knows of my xanga!)

i have never knows what it is like to "long" after something.

yes, i have wanted, or needed things, or missed things, so on and so on. but never to long....until now.

it is not about a boy.  it is not about money or things. it is for a time.

i long for ireland.

it is almost debilitating because i find myself day dreaming at odd times, trying so hard to remember the little details of things that happened. trying to grab and reach for the feelings that i had.

i miss the time that i had there and have never felt that way about something before. i long for the trip that i took, with the people that were there.  there unending generosity, care, concern and love...from people that i mostly knew for less than a week.  they changed my life.  

this is not to say anything negative about my friends or family or the people here whose lives i am an intimate part of and interact with on an almost daily basis. it is just...

i wish i was in ireland....my heart wishes it was back in ireland.

that is a terrifying thing.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE MARRIED BEAST OF MOORE!!!  

i hiked in ireland today.  beautiful.   did you hear that mom and dad!  HIKED!  a lot of miles. ya. lots. with an injured and now bruising foot. oh well. ill be home soon.

love,

em